


Nightmares, Heartbeats & Desperation

by YourPowerIsLimitless



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: F/F, Korrasami - Freeform, PTSD Korra, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Triggers, trigger warning, warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-26 03:22:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4988239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourPowerIsLimitless/pseuds/YourPowerIsLimitless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything has its dark side, its dark moments, to the point where it may very well lose everything it held inside. That makes the spirit world a scary place. Yes, it's beautiful. That is a given. However, when such a strong force breaches or contaminates it that beauty is tainted. That force was the only one with the strongest connection one could have. Her girlfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nightmares, Heartbeats & Desperation

Author's Note: My attempt at a very serious and detailed, meaningful story. Enjoy!

Also, pretend like they've actually been dating for a while rather than two minutes xD.

...

It's interesting to her how nightmares differ from reality. Intriguing how they are complete polar opposites, and yet they rely on each other to cope with existing. And how dreams could be of anything. There were no limits. They could be super short, or super long. Many would say that there was a fine line between the dream world and the real world, even giving the spirit world its limits. As if anyone could ever think of downplaying the power the spirit world held. She's been there. She is there. And nothing could ever compare to the beauty that it contained.

Everything has its dark side, its dark moments, to the point where it may very well lose everything it held inside. That makes the spirit world a scary place. Yes, it's beautiful. That is a given. However, when such a strong force breaches or contaminates it that beauty is tainted. That force was the only one with the strongest connection one could have with coexisting with the real world and the spirit world. Her girlfriend.

She likes to watch her dreams as the spirits react and project them into their night sky. It can be soothing on the sleepless nights when she's feeling homesick. They remind her that Korra is her home, her everything. It was like the spirits were movers. Asami could see just about everything they could recreate from Korra's subconscious. Her heart would flutter at the memories the Avatar would dream of about them. It would race at the more detailed and intended to be private dreams where Asami would have to blush and cover her face as the spirits would hum and glow with laughter. Even now, where they were resting, a soft pink glow surrounded them.

It was the nightmares that frightened Asami. The range from graphic to horrifying was very slim. It made Asami worry about the well-being of her love. She was better, she was alive, she was here. After forever, she was back where everyone knew she truly belonged (okay, they're not really in Republic City, but going through the portal from there had to count for something). It's almost like she never left. Three years were much too long for Asami. She remembered the relief she felt when she heard that Jinora, Ikki, and Meelo had found Korra and brought her home. She remembered the overwhelming joy of actually seeing her, having her in her arms again. She could've cried.

Tonight is no different from all the others that made up the two weeks they'd been there. Five days out of those two weeks, Asami tried to find comfort in watching Korra's dreams etched into the sky. It was the second night they were there that the first nightmare was presented. Amon. Taking her bending. Asami remembers the story well, having been told since she wasn't there herself. Mako told her first. He explained how terrible it was to experience watching it happen. How he felt so useless afterwards because he couldn't do anything until after the fact.

~"Her eyes lost all light." he said, his eyes closed. "It's like the life was literally sucked out of her."~

Asami can still feel the heartbreaking sensation even now. Korra had been so depressed afterwards. The pink beneath her fades to blue. Korra stirs in her sleep and Asami smiles softly, hoping for good dreams tonight. Korra said they'd be returning home soon, and Asami wants their departure to be on a good note.

On the nights Asami did sleep, she often wondered what most her dreams were, the ones she couldn't remember no matter how much she tried. How they looked in the night sky. If Korra ever happened to wake up and see them. Surely, she would have said something. Or maybe she was afraid to. She would often catch Korra watching her with a strange and curious look on her face, or in her eyes. It would concern her, but she'd let it go. They were there to enjoy themselves.

The next nightmare happened to be one of Asami. Korra had seen Asami ejected out of the Hummingbird suit. She saw the hand come down on her father, the crushed metal falling away. In her dreams, the changes couldn't of been anymore drastic. What if Asami wasn't ejected in time? What if Kuvira had seen her floating in the sky by her parachute and aimed the weapon at her? Korra couldn't bear it and she should begin crying softly. Even if she hadn't seen it for herself, there was no way Asami would deny that there was something wrong. The surrounding area had faded to a dark gray like storm clouds and they flashed like lightning. The air grew cold. Asami remembered the panic she felt, the way her heart raced as she hurried to wake Korra up.

~"Korra, wake up!" she had pleaded, shaking her girlfriend carefully. "It's only a bad dream!"~

She remembered turning her girlfriend over, taking her hand and touching her face softly. Tears brimmed her own eyes. She gave Korra a kiss, hoping the sensation would be enough to break her from her fears. She intertwined their fingers and kissed her harder. "It's only a dream..." Korra mumbled something against Asami's lips and her eyes opened slowly. Asami could see herself in Korra's eyes.

~"Asami." was all she said before kissing her again. Asami could practically taste her need for the kiss to drive the nightmares away. Her drive was encouraging her will to force them away. Korra had tangled her fingers in Asami's hair, thankful that she'd taken the band out. She loved it when Asami's hair was down. She tugged her love on top of her.

Asami couldn't let Korra go for the rest of the night. Not a chance. She sat up, wrapping her arms around her and Korra placed her head on her chest.

"I'm here." Asami reminded her. "My heart is still beating."

"The nightmares take you away from me." Korra muttered. "They show me everything that's happened to me."

"They're not real." Asami said. "They're only your fears, and they are over. Nothing can take me away from you. I promise."

Korra didn't reply right away. She stared at the grass as it changed to red and pink. The spirit world seemed to hum to life around them. The air warmed and Korra slipped her arm around Asami's waist. She sat up and looked Asami in the eyes.

"I love you." she said. "I really do."

Asami's heart swelled as she cupped Korra's face with her hand. Heat rushed into her system and she smiled. "I love you, too."

Their lips were drawn together again. Somehow, Korra had managed to get Asami on her back and hovered above her, not breaking their contact once. The trees around them rustled and spread their leaves, creating the best protection for their moment of privacy.~

Asami could feel her heart race as she blushed at the memory. She wonders if she ever dreamed of that, if the spirits showed it despite that they were both asleep and no one would see. She'll bet it was beautiful. When they first arrived to the Spirit World, Asami couldn't of been more unprepared for the beauty in it. Of course, nothing could ever dare match up to that of her love. She showed her so many incredible things, from the sky whales to the flying fish. It couldn't of been better.

~"Korra, this is..." she said, at a loss for words.

"Is it okay?" Korra asked, blushing. "It's a lovely place, but if you want to go back-"

"Are you kidding me?" Asami laughed. "I think I might want to live here."

"It's not impossible." Korra replied with a smile.~

As if they'd really leave Republic City behind. Asami laughed. It would be nice to live in the spirit world, maybe when the real world didn't need them as much. "That would be great, wouldn't it sweetie?" she whispered, looking at Korra.

Korra dreamt of her death not even a week before. Well, her partial death. After being poisoned by Zaheer. It was weird how she'd managed to do that. It was from her point of view. Asami saw Korra staring at her father's face, fighting to keep her eyes open. There was a white haze around the edge of her vision, probably a result of being in the Avatar State. If anything were to shatter Asami's heart beyond repair, it would surely be that. Asami was there, witnessing Korra's life drain away from her as her father cradled her and cried. Her heart ached at the sight, but she couldn't cry no matter how bad she wanted to. For those brief two minutes it was as if her own soul had separated from her being, leaving her a confused and expressionless wreck.

She couldn't even imagine how to explain the relief she felt when Su succeeded in removing the poison form her. When Korra's eyes opened. A giant weight had been lifted from her. It was then that she realized she saw Korra as something more than a friend. Maybe not necessarily a love interest in that very moment, but it certainly was the start.

Korra woke up the minute her dream self had died. Her breathing was ragged and sweat dewed on her forehead. She shot straight up, her eyes wild and unfocused as they stared at the ground. A faint white light in them was fading. The ground beneath them pulsated, probably mimicking the pounding of her heart.

~"Korra..." she said, laying a soft hand on the Water Tribe native's shoulder.

"I'm fine..." Korra breathed, swallowing hard. "I just-"

"You're not fine." Asami said. "You woke up almost in the Avatar State."

Korra crossed her legs, putting her face in her hands. "I know, I know... I was dreaming about...when..."

Asami encircled her arms around Korra. "You don't have to tell me." Partially because she already knew, but she'd hate to see Korra have to relive it through words.

"I'm sorry." Korra said quietly.

"For what?" Asami asked.

"I make you worry about me." Korra replied. "Every time I have a nightmare and wake up, you're already awake. I see the look on your face when you see me in that state, freaked out."

"Of course I worry about you." Asami said. "But your dreams aren't the only reason. You're the Avatar. You go on dangerous missions all over the world for times on end. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn't worry about you?"

Korra didn't answer. She wrapped her arms around Asami, holding her closer and sighing heavily.~

The dreams didn't help, of course. They only made Asami more and more paranoid when it came to Korra's health. There was a point when she had to beg Korra to go to sleep. She looked terrible. It was around the time that Korra was on the mend in the wheelchair. Asami all but refused to leave Korra's side. The first night after she had been poisoned, she woke up screaming. Asami, who had been in the other room, was the first to hear and came running. She opened the door to find Korra rocking slightly back and forth, her hands on both sides of her head. Her lips were moving much too fast for Asami to make out anything she was saying.

~"Korra..." she said softly, taking a step forward.

Korra's eyes raised and she looked like a deer caught in headlights. They were wide and somewhat unfocused. "Asami..?" she mumbled.

"I'm here." Asami said. She dared to venture closer, her steps not making a sound. "Are you okay?"

"I-I..." Korra's words fell away.

Asami reached the bed, sitting on the edge of it. She didn't know what to do, whether she should place a soothing hand on her shoulder or hug her. "What happened?"

"I was dead..." Korra muttered. "Zaheer...killed me..."

"He tried." Asami said. "He failed. Su saved you."

Korra shook her head. "In my dream, I actually died. I was there...at my funeral..." Tears brimmed the girl's eyes. "I was gone..."

Asami couldn't stand seeing Korra in that state. If anything, it scared her. Korra was a strong willed person, so dedicated and caring. To see her then, broken and crying, caused a stabbing sensation in Asami's chest. Asami embraced Korra, her arms wrapping around her tightly and holding her close. Korra, taken by surprise, hesitated before returning the gesture.

"You're still here..." Asami whispered. "I'm glad you're still here..."~

And she definitely wasn't lying. What would be her reason to? It may of taken forever for her to realize and accept her feelings for the shorter girl, but it was one step closer to where they were now. When Korra had told her that she would be returning to the South Pole to seek help from Katara, she was sort of heartbroken. Happy because Korra was going to finally try to get herself back in the game, but heartbroken because she was leaving. She'd offered to go with her, only to be turned down. Of course she understood. Sort of.

Either way, it had been three years before Korra returned. Asami felt like lift shouldn't of gone on without the Avatar around, like it should've waited for her to return. Unfortunately, life didn't work that way. For those three years, Asami struggled with getting past Korra's leaving. She wrote her letters, as promised, but Korra never replied. It took her two years to reply. Asami remembered the joy she felt when an Air Acolyte came to her while she was on the Island, a letter for her in his hands. She'd reread it hundreds of times, everyday since she'd gotten it. Everyday until Korra returned. She took it everywhere with her because it made her feel like Korra was already there.

She took it when she went to see her father. That was probably the hardest thing to do. Seeing her father, she means. The presence of Korra's letter, and going to Avatar Korra Park (which she had a hand in creating) made it all better, more tolerable. That only made her love for her grow stronger. With the anticipation of Korra's return, things just seemed brighter after that.

The spirits began making shapes in the sky. Korra was dreaming. Asami smiled, hoping again for good dreams. Those were what she needed right now. All the reminiscing had left her feeling sad. The first shape they formed was actually Korra, followed by Mako, then Bolin. They seemed to be in the middle of a conversation. The spirits could never make voices, so Asami was never able to hear what they were saying. But Korra was smiling, and that is all Asami wanted to see. Her lips were moving to fast for Asami to read them, which she had done on multiple occasions, but she knew it must of been something good when Bolin snatched her up for a big hug and Mako placed a hand on Korra's shoulder, smiling at her.

The scene changed and Korra was with Asami, sitting in Avatar Korra Park. They were holding hands and Korra was reaching into her pocket. She looked up at Asami and her lips moved.

'Can I ask you a question?'

Asami, confused, nodded.

'Of course.'

Korra grinned and took a deep breath, her hand retracting from her pocket. She kept hold of Asami's hand, squeezing it reassuringly. She stood up in front of Asami, and slowly got down on one knee. Both dream Asami and real Asami were taken back by this. Dream Asami was brought to tears before Korra could even begin to speak. Korra chuckled, wiping away the stray tears.

'Asami Sato...would you give me the honor of being mine forever?'

Real Asami, not realizing her actions, nodded. "Yes..." she whispered. Of course she would agree to marry Korra. Why wouldn't she?

The dream changed again, and it was showing Asami. Real Asami. Watching herself. Asami blinked in confusion and turned to look at Korra, who, to her surprise, was sitting up and smiling at her. The spirits dissipated into the air, humming softly.

"Korra?" Asami asked.

"I was never really asleep." Korra said smugly.

"Then how did you-"

"I talked to some of the spirits." Korra said. "I know you've been watching my dreams."

"How?" Asami said.

Korra shrugged. "Wouldn't be that hard to tell. I've seen a few of yours." She smirked and she reached behind her. "Which would bring me to this..."

It clicked in Asami's mind that Korra had planned this. Her heart began to race when Korra brought her hand back in front of her, curled in a fist. She met Asami's eyes and grinned. The area surrounding them started to glow a soft gold with a tinge of red in the middle where they were.

"Everything in that dream, the first half anyway, happened." Korra said. "I first told Mako and Bolin of my plans, followed by Tenzin, Su, Pema, and Lin. Bolin told Opal. Basically, all of our closest friends know." She looked down at her hand. "There's just one more person that I need to tell. More like ask..."

"Korra..." Asami felt the tears brimming her eyes again.

Korra positioned herself properly, getting on one knee. "Asami Sato, my girlfriend, my love, my one and only..." She wiped her eyes and chuckled nervously. "We've known each other for a long time, now. And you've been mine for a while. I want to make it more than a while. I want to make it forever.

"You've been there for me when I needed someone there, when I needed to be picked up, put together, or put back in my place." Korra said. "I don't know where I'd be without you, to be honest. When I was poisoned, you were the only person I let in. When I was gone, you were the only person that understood. And that is all I could ever ask for..."

Asami could see then that Korra was crying a little. Korra opened her hand. In the light, she could see that the ring was black and red, with a green resembling Asami's eye color in the middle, eventually fading into a blue that looked like Korra's eye color. "What I'm trying to say is...would you be mine? Marry me?"

Asami's heart took off for space, and she found herself becoming a sobbing mess. She practically threw herself at Korra, knocking her back into the grass. Korra, taken by surprise, laughed and kissed Asami back when she kissed her.

"Yes..." Asami said against her lips. "A million times yes..."

"One yes would be just fine." Korra said, grinning from ear to ear.

"Then ask me a million times." Asami joked, giggling.

Korra slipped the ring onto Asami's finger and intertwined their hands. She gazed into Asami's eyes, blue melting into green. "I love you..."

"I love you more." Asami said, smiling.

"I love you most." Korra stated.

"You win this one, Avatar." Asami teased.

"Oh, please." Korra said. "There will be plenty of other battles for you to win." She cupped Asami's face with her hand. "We better get to sleep, we're going to see Iroh tomorrow."

Asami got off of Korra and laid beside her, facing her. Korra moved closer to her new fiancee, wrapping her arm around Asami's waist. Just like that, they fell asleep.

...

Author's Note: *claps hands* And that's a wrap! Sorry if it seemed a bit rushed towards the end, I had been working on this for more than a month at the time, believe it or not, and I got tired of seeing it unfinished in my Doc Manager xD.

Thanks for reading!


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